i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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