If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
