Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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