Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm really busy with my period
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