just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
