just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
