I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
