So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize