dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she smelled like a LAN party
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
