I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize