We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize