I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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