we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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