i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize