Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
vagina is talking i cant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
