I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
