At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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