I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
