I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
