he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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