that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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