We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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