Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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