someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
