There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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