A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
