i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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