Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
