Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
