You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
