So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
