i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Ladies don't puke and tell
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