At least make sure they are 18
Why
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
