As shirtless as possible
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
