Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
