Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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