We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
