also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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