I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
