these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
