can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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