I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize