Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
