I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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