What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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