last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
