Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
