oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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