I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
