MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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