oh fat girl friday strikes again...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
