see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
im on a boat
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