well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
