you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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