We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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