PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
