OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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