he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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