dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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