i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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