In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
