Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
