Dual....:-)
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
