escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
