well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
