I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
